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Tired of wrapping your brain around the problems of the Middle East? Had it up to here with Radical Islamo-fascist weirdos in strange headgear killing everybody they can get their hands on? Can't quite get to grips with the idea that someone could actually believe they'd get a free pass into Paradise through killing the innocent?

Well NO MORE!

That's right! We're supporting an initiative to engage in Punitive Food Aid in the Middle East!
We propose to carpet bomb all of Iraq in a yummy coat of delicious Pork, thereby keeping the zealots indoors and busy re-sanctifying themselves!

Complaints? Yeah, I can see them pouring in. PETA, pfft! Radical Leftists. Hmpf. Oprah, whatever.
But really: It's Food Aid, people. We're gonna feed the starving with this one. It's a WIN-WIN situation!

We propose that Iraq and any other meddling Middle Eastern Nation- including Israel, if needs be be carpet bombed with Pork Products for as long as needed. Simple as that. It's the nonviolent alternative and the Other White Meat!

SO: The next time you're wondering about what should be done...look to your breakfast!
And send your bacon [Canadian or otherwise], ham, spam, pork sausages, roasts, salami, pepperoni, lard, luncheon loaf, and fried pork rinds to The Pork of War!

Better yet: Show your support by posting a link to this page and sporting our logo somewhere on your page:

SUICIDE BOMBING 'PIG FAT THREAT'
"Israeli police are to hang bags of pig lard on buses and in other public places to deter would-be Muslim suicide bombers, Israeli media have reported.

Rabbinical authorities sanctioned the plan to use the product - considered impure by Jews and Muslims - if it might save lives. Officials hope the prospect of defiling their bodies with blown up pig lard might discourage would-be recruits. Hundreds of Israelis have been killed by suicide bombers in recent years."